In time past, though not long ago there lived pigs: in stature, little; in number three, who being of an age both entitled and inspired to seek their fortune did set about to do thusly.
When they had traveled a distance pig numbered first spake saying, “Harken Brethren! Heed this tempestuous realm. Tarry we long from hearth and home we shall fare, I fear, *snort* not well.”
And so being collectively agreed but individually impelled each to erect for himself and abode. Pig numbered one did construct his house from straw. Pig numbered two did likewise, though, rather, not from straw, instead from sticks. Meanwhile, unique in his imaginings, pig numbered three did erect his domicile. stalwart and garish, a structure made from brick entirely.
Soon there happened along, as is frequently the scenario in classic tale of protagonist pig or red-hooded child a wolf. Carnivorous nature in full season he called out to the straw ensconced swine saying, “Pray, thee, little pig, grant me entrance.”
But Pig One recalled with sage foreboding for he is mad who trusts in the tameness of a belly-pinched wolf and responded immediately, “Nay! It shall not be! Indeed, not by wit or whiskered Jowl!”
Prepared for this most expected response, the wolf replied immediately, “Then steel thyself little pig. Forthwith shall Endeavour by employing means both huffing and puffing to dismantle yon flaxen fortress.” Whereupon there issued for the from the wolf an exhale of gale proportions that quickly rendered yon hovel to dregs and dross and carried aloft pig and shattered quarters both.
Exposed now to claw and fang, Pig One made haste to the stick festoon sanctum of peccary secondary causing pig two to cry out in dismay, “Well! This knots my knickers! The marshalling to feral wolf to my doorstep is nowhere among those endeavors amenable or congenial.”
“A thousand pardons,” squealed One, “T’would seem the beast’s maimful breath has purged me of home and sound judgment alike!”
The mighty maelstrom of the wolf’s exhale splattered second swine’s shack and shortened his sanctimonious scolding simultaneously.
“Lo! And Behold!” squealed two, “Stand we now among wooden wreckage tremulous and vulnerable. We have nary a strategy for eschewing the canine devourer looming in deadly proximity.”
“Strategy!” Squealed One. “While ‘tis noble to contemplate tactical particularities, pressed as we are with the time restraint forbidding detailed strategical conversations, I would urge we RUN!”
“Weeweeeweeeweeeweeeweeewee!”
whether by their own fleet footed competence or the wolfs winless attitude, the diminutive swine arrived at their ultimate kindred neighbors inexpugnable brick ingress unscathed. Upon the third pigs door with urgent hooves they pounded calling out, “Unbar this entrance and with haste we beseech thee!”
The third pig hailed from the American Colonies, and possessing a vocabulary substantially less robust than his impromptu visitors, replied, “Say what?”
“Seek we sanctuary!” They implored, on the verge of hysteria, “Lest we fall forthwith on the ravenous appetency of yonder approaching carnivore!”
Still confounded by their importunate words, pig three did render agar his port hole whereupon one and two spilled through and collapsed beyond the threshold, enervated.
“So, y’all just wanted to come in? You could’a said that.”
The sinister hiss of the wolf could be once more heard outside, “Pray, thee, pigs, grant me entrance.”
“The wolf!” Said one and two.
“The wolf?” said three, “What’d ya suppose he wants?”
“He seeks to gain purchase within, indeed he would occupy this very alcove where he afforded the most meager of opportunities.”
“Right. I’m just gonna go ask him what he wants.”
“Under no circumstances!” Squealed two, flinging himself bodily against the porthole, “There is not to be gained accosting external opponent, save our own immediate demise!”
“What did you say about my Momma?!”
House and occupants were again engulfed in a malevolent blast of wolfish wind. The foundation shook, the frame rattled and lo, to the astonished eyes of pig and encroaching scoundrel alike, stood the third pigs lodging, undaunted.
Aghast and dismayed, pig two queried of three, “How does against such horrendous and torrential onslaught this domicile endure?”
Pig three, puffed out chest, tapped a hoof to the hearth, and responded, “Its American Made.”
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