Exempt

Segment I: Marry
The story of St Valentine is an ancient but to oft untold tale of the nature of marriage. Valentine was an early catholic priest, one who was an active advocate for marriage. The Roman Empire was at war with barbarians from the north, and after so long besieged, the formerly invincible roman army was IN shambles. The emperor, in an attempt to revive his army issued a draft. Part of the declaration stated that men of age were not to marry for a certain time; hoping to remove ties of men to life and home. St valentine, in defiance of the letter of this order still continued to perform marriage ceremonies. Understanding that marriage is not a state establishment. Thus he, under penalty of death, began a trend which isn't unheard of in modern, secularized ideas of marriage.
Valentine created moral , illegal marriages. Is there such a thing heard of in this time? Think of it for a moment. American divorce rates prove that few if any are denied right to marry. This being the case, how can any marriage be illegal? Could the government , as it did in valentine’s time.
As said before valentine understood that the government has no jurisdiction over marriage whatsoever. With a 50% divorce rate, clearly something is not working in the current method of marriage. If marriage is not a state institution, then where does it gain its sanctity? As a primary source of family, the connection and involvement marriage and family have one with another cannot be ignored. Traditionally, whether Christian, religious, or ignorant, even in an overwhelmingly secular culture, the idea of a family with single parents, divorce, and cohabiting are still generally considered taboo. The idea of marriage before and with family is irrevocably engrained into the minds of culture. By that token, the idea of marriage as an instituting of family, more than government is not an unreasonable idea. Indeed, because of the powerful relationship between marriage and family....
The commonly accepted terms of marriage include a government issued marriage license, filed with the state, usually accompanied with a blood test. The understood idea behind licensing marriage is to add some measure of legitimacy or officially to the union. Logically it is not foolish to believe that giving a marriage officially will reinforce the vows made in forming that union. If legitimacy through licensing is designed to strengthen a bond, then again the issue of high divorce rates must be addressed.
Though perhaps not necessarily the sole reason of modern divorce, the problem is the preventative measure. If state granted marriage, or "legal marriage" is to keep the vows strong, then those vows are given to the state. If the government writes the contract, then the government defines the terms. If vows are made under the authority of the government, then, legally those vows can be revoked by the govt. And because anyone cam obtain government approved marriage, anyone can petition the government for severance.

St. Valentine did not marry his parishioners under any government authority, but under the authority of family and the church, in defiance of the govt. However, without the state protected vows, what makes the marriage substantial? under what authority is the union made? It cannot be so free of a union that any two ( or potentially more) can say " we are married" with no oversight at all. That issue speaks to a much deeper issue of modern society. So many citizens of the world are falling into a common and dangerous delusion, that the government CAN provide legal legitimacy for all matters. When it is said that marriage, being a. Institution of family and church, cannot be justified by any other authority than those two, it must be understood that the misery institution of family, so weakens by generations of government usurping it's power, is a far greater and stronger authority than it is given right to.
Government must sustain government, family must sustain family. If the government is given right to grant marriage, it is good for government to maintain that power. Family, when granted it's proper right to create and sustain marriages , in order to maintain itself, must hold marriages to a higher standard, and so will not grant divorces as easily or swiftly as government does. Family has to strengthen its institution, by creating true, stronger marriages , rather than the flippant abuses of love that government allows. Under that authority and necessity, family should and will give the legitimacy and strength to prevent simply granted divorce.
It being understood that it is not the place of government to legitimize marriage, then understand what I mean when I say that I do not support any legislation or amendment banning gay marriage. If government is given right to ban one form of marriage , it can unleash a Pandora’s box of usurpations. Again, in a measure of self-preservation, under family authority would actively avoid and even oppose such kind of destructive, unproductive marriage.
Marriage is not an institute established by state, but treated as such becomes a force whose power is being misdirected and depleted. What wonder is it that family is losing all structural integrity




Segment II: Reclamation
"You'll be on your way up!, you'll be seeing great sights!, you'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights."
“everybody does annoying things....but you tell yourself to suck it up, because you do annoying things too, and plus, it's usually you that's the problem”
I urge you to please notice when you are happy,
and exclaim or murmur or think at some point,
"If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."
You're one of the many things that make me face the day, I'm so glad you're here with me. It's not your fault that you're in pain, I just can't explain what you mean to me. Meant what I said, meant what I did, it's all for you.
How could you know just what you did? So full of faith yet so full of doubt. Time and time again you said don't be afraid. "If you believe you can do it." The only voice I want to hear is yours.
I had to keep reminding myself that I’d made my choice, and I wasn’t going back on it. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, the desire would win out over the others. And what was my other choice---to cut him out of my life? Intolerable.
More than anything, I'm scared of letting down this front I have and laying my soul bare to the world. But when I think about you standing by my side, I wonder if it won't be so hard after all, and I know it would be worth it.

I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight,
and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face.
They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms,
without an ounce of selfishness in it.



Segment III: Seconds
http://12seconds.tv/channel/Lifesquestion


Segment IV: Backstory
My life has not really been in my control for years. I was fourteen when my mom bought a business and schooling, though not planned on my own, was no lover overseen by my parents, and I became a self educated young man. I Learned very quickly, as both of my siblings left home, that I could run the house. Granted not monetarily nor with the same understanding as an adult, but I quickly learned to cook and clean and maintain the household and for my part, enjoyed doing it. It is odd that I enjoy it so, most young men don’t enjoy cleaning and food preparation the way I have learned too.
By the time I became used to this structure, however, in the same torrent in which I had been abandoned for household solitude, my siblings returned. With hem, any peace and security, or moreover control that I had over my own world was removed from me. The situations for the rebounding older siblings were stressful enough as it is, the situations that followed their return literally made my hair start falling out.
I got my second paying job in March of 2007, and it was quickly followed up b another, reverberative job from my internship with SSI. By the following year I was taking my first round of simplistic college courses, and still dealing with the fallout of the stress filled home that I went to. I began dreaming nightly in metaphoric images reflecting how truly angry, sad, and unhappy I was. I had already began to make deeper mistakes that would in the end tear my young heart apart.
In an incomplete, emotional, and empty place I entered summer 2008. My family had reached a certain level of plateau with their internal anger, and strife caused by the mistakes of one of my siblings. Pain that could not be expressed any other way was dealt to me to handle, and try as I might, I was unable to keep from letting it get to me. It was at that point that I began to see a deeper structure to the things going on inside me; that is the hate I had for myself. I didn’t like anything I was, which was understandable.
The enjoyment I found in cleaning, and the pains I took to keep my family’s house stopped being enough. My parents are very adept at finding something you do wrong. Every week I had a new problem that I had to overcome, though in the minds of my parents they were always the same problem, even though the application of that problem was not often replicated.
I was average or below average in nearly every way, and that just wasn’t enough, not after having such a clear vision of the future as I had been given at SSI my first year. I needed more and wanted more. I could have had more, but now was so stick in a broke place that getting out of it was not something I alone was capable of. I understand that I was supposed to go to God, most people don’t think that I did, but that part of the nightly prayers that preluded my dreams was a cry for the help of God to lift me out of a hole I was not strong enough to survive. But alas I was still there.
With such a heart, I found something that healed me. It filled me with hope and joy that I had not ever felt before. It gave me strength, and made me more again. But what I thought was healing me completely was only a drug. I quickly became addicted to the love that I felt and overdosed on something that I never should have touched. All at once I was forced to face the aftermath of the overdose, as well as the withdrawal from having my drug forcibly removed from my life.
The depression that set in was only partially driven by the loss of my drug, which burned and tore at me so, but more so it was because, whatever the means, I had felt partially whole again. Whole in a way I had not felt in three years. And I had failed, and now I was lower than ever. It took the work of an amazing family to even maintain my low existence.
A year later, people tell me frequently that I have changed. That I am better in some way or another. Some do anyways. I still fail my parents, both legitimately and because they seek for a “pattern of irresponsibility”. I still am a second class student, and have been passed over for the only colleges I desire to go to. I think what everyone else sees as change, I see as my experience, teaching me to shift the weight of a burden I cant get rid of, only to bear it more easily. All the fear, anger, pain, and sadness I have had for years still hovers about me, like an old scent.
I am frantically searching for a job, while watching three years worth of savings disappear from my bank account. Even as I spend out of necessity and love, I have greater plan for the funds I no longer an able to earn. Two internships, one nearing its end, with work piling up that has become impossible to complete; the other starting with no clear guidelines as to what is needed of me, and both weighting heavily on my mind and schedule. The classes I take in “college” if you can call what I am in that, are simple enough, but with low funding, gas and parking fees, as well as a system of parking payment that I am unable to use to its fullest extent, I find every trip to campus a pain, and unwanted challenge.
A group of friends who have sustained me well over the past month, waver with internal issues, that I am unable o fix, no matter how responsible I feel for the health of our group. I am struggling to finish a second year of Spanish before the week is out so as to apply it to a high school transcripts for a second shot at the school I desire admission to. Each weekend is quickly filling up for the next month or more, and I feel that my time is being depleted.
My Life has not been in my control for many years. I don’t want true control over it because I know I would fail if I ran my own life completely. But after four years for restless sleeping and living without calm for more than a week, I want peace. So badly I want one are of my life to run smoothly without question or confusion, drama or annoyance.
Its just a temporary want. Who knows where I will be in a month


Segment V: Script
CHARACTERS:
Jacob Maxwell: Josh
Caitlyn Cale: Caedy
Crystol Carter: Chelsea
Warm Blood (codename): Zeke
Nicholas Pride: Nathan
Skyla Rothman: Rosie
Dr. Daniel Nathan Henry: Donny
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. LIBRARY - DAY
PAN ACROSS A DESK.
TEXT: SEATTLE JUNE 9 3:55 PM ZULU
A library table, piled high with books, a person reading one is otherwise unseen amid the mess.
SFX: Phone ringing.
DANIEL * Frustrated sigh*
Phone keeps ringing, still being ignored by the still obscured Daniel. Phone rings a few more times before a shuffle is heard and he answers.
DANIEL (CONT'D) What? *Exasperated.
OFFICAL *Voice over the phone sounds official and important* Dr. Henry?
DANIEL *Sounding Distracted* Yes?
OFFICAL I’m calling on be half of a private organization of individuals working together for a sole purpose. We need your help, Sir, its of global importance and urgency.
CLOSE UP ON A BOOK AS DANIEL’S HAND TURNS A PAGE.
DANIEL *Still disaffected* Why me?
OFFICAL We require your... unique abilities for reasons we would prefer not be stated on an unsecured line.... Doctor... The world is in peril. It needs you.
LONG PAUSE
DANIEL But I’m reading a book right now....
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
HEADQUARTERS - DAY
JACOB approaches headquarters, other vehicles (possibly a motorcycle) parked around. Approaches door, NICHOLAS opens before he knocks
NICHOLAS Welcome, Jacob. *turns to lead into the house* you are nearly our last guest
JACOB looks around the sitting area. BLOOD sits in front of a table, which is layered with knives and disassembled firearms. CRYSTOL and CAITLYN sit near each other on a couch. Karen looks at Jacob, somewhat curious. SKYLA, standing near the door, moves to Nicholas’s side.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D) Friends, allow me to introduce Jacob Maxwell, College Student from Chicago. He will be serving as a backup for any of our roles, should any of us become incapable.
JACOB *cutting Nicholas off* Um, Excuse me.
EVERYONE looks at Jacob, silently
JACOB (CONT’D) I wasn’t told much about... anything. *more to Nicolas* Who are you? How do you know who I am.
NICHOLAS *sigh* given a moment I would have explained myself. My Name is Nicholas Pride. As far as how I know you, As I was the first to arrive, I tool the liberty of familiarizing myself with these, *Hands Jacob a folder, similar to ones each of the others have near their person* There is a detailed profile on each of us in there.
JACOB What is this?
CAITLYN Our Mission Dossier.
JACOB *pause* Our what? *Caitlyn sighs* I’m really sorry. I really have no idea what’s going on here.
BLOOD What do you know? How did you get here?
JACOB I Got a call a few weeks ago. The man told me about a group of people working on a project of some kind, sounded important. The told me how to get here and asked me to volunteer, stressing the urgency of my involvement.
BLOOD Volunteer!? I was promised Half a mill for this job.
CRYSTOL We are all here by different means for different reasons, Blood. If yours is money, I’m sure you’ll get it.
NICHOLAS The Group your informant told you about is called the Secret Superhuman Initiative. All of us, save you, have been a part of SSI before, for one mission or another. I have been a part of every gathering for several years. I’ve been here longer than the Furniture. As the name might suggest, every SSI alumni retains some sort of superhuman gift.
JACOB Then why am I here? I don’t have any superpower.
NICHOLAS Well the very fact that you are here means that you do. Though according to your dossier you have a similar acquaintance with a few active members. A Mr.Sadasivan?
KAREN, CRYSTOL, and SKYLA, nod.
JACOB SADASIVAN Was an upperclassman at School. Several of you know him? * Caitlyn Crystol and Skyla nod* What is the project I was told about?
SKYLA We were just starting to over that. The files we have been given have instructions to build some sort of device. *looks through the papers in the file* I have no idea what these blueprint-things are supposed to be of, but then again I am not the initiative's tech specialist.
NICHOLAS Dr. Henry has yet to arrive.
BLOOD He isn’t coming.
CRYSTOL Why not?
BLOOD I called him a few days ago, he said he doesn't really care what we're doing, just that he wants to finish baking his pie.
JACOB Pie?
KAREN *Ignoring Jacobs question* So can anyone tell us what we are supposed to be building? I’m not going to waste my time building some contraption without knowing what it’s supposed to do.
BLOOD *looking through the papers intently* I’ve seen similar designs for timer-set bombs, only it isn’t asking for a explosive system, more of a dispersal system, to spread some sore or chemical across a rather wide area, rather than explosion or shockwave. I can build that base of the system, with some help, its simple enough, but the actual delivery system isn't going to be so easy.
SKYLA According to the dossier, the dispersal unit and the chemical intended for “delivery” is already assembled under guard at Velmuth Air Force base
LEAVING SCENE TO BE WRITTEN-TRANSITION INTO A JOVIAL DINNER AT “THE TABLE”. PERHAPS JUST FILS A WHILE OF US ACUTALLY EATING AND TALKING THE WAY WE DO.




Segment VI: Bow
Fall!

Now The dark begins to rise, save your breath it's far from over
Leave the lost and dead behind, nows your chance to run for cover
I don't want to change the world, I just want to leave it colder
Light the fuse and burn it up, take the path that leads to nowhere
All is lost again, but I'm not giving in

I Will Not Bow, I Will Not Break
I Will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away

Watch the end from dying eyes, now the dark is taking over
Show me where forever dies
Take the fall and run to heaven
All is lost again but I'm not giving in

I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I'll survive, paranoid I have lost the will to change
And I am not proud, cold blooded, fake
I will shut the world away


I will not bow, I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall, I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I'll survive, paranoid
I have lost the will to change and I am not proud, cold blooded, fake
I will shut the world away

Fall!


Segment VII: Farewell

Colloquy
Segment I: Self
People can be defined as individuals one of two ways: either by who they believe they are or by who others perceive them to be. I believe these two vantage points have psychological/scientific names, but as I don’t know those names, I will henceforth call them self perception (how you think you are) and realistic perception
Self Perception is the person that you believe you are. Few people ever realize that they are a person, unique and special, separate from all others. This person, who exists primarily inside the body, can be in some ways thought of as the soul. It drives your actions, your attitudes, your beliefs, and your reactions. When you think, this is the part of the mind that actually does the deciding.
Now, whether people understand and see this or not, the thinking processes, controlled by “self” can be analysed, and further subdivided. A person is not made up of a singular whole, but rather multiple facets or “voices”. While the idea of having voices inside ones head may sound like a bad thing, really it is fully natural and only speaks to the complexity of the human psyche. Each voice is nessesary for a complete formation of “self” or personality. When one of these aspects are amplified over the others, removed, or an extra voice is added, individuals form of “self” is scewed, and personality disorders form.
The three voices inside personality (again neglecting proper study of psychology and its terms) are as follows: Instinct (or child), reason (or adult), and Emotion (or spirit). Instinct is exactly what it sounds like, they are the bas wants and needs, and the thought process behind obtaining those wants. I classify instinct as “child” because, uninfluenced by the other to, this voice is primarily selfish, needy, and loud. The second voice, reason, is predictable and logical, often counteracting instinct. Reason speaks for logic, and organization, pushing the mind, and influencing the other two voices for maximum efficiency. It is reason, typically, that answers to the conscience, saying what is right and wrong based on knowledge and understanding of natural law. The third voice, emotion, is the hardest to explain, as in every person it manifests differently. These three voices, together, make up a persons process of thought and how they process information. If you take time and listen to the internal “conversation” you have with yourself when you think about anything, listen hard enough to what is going on and you will hear the different voices. It takes even longer to identify which is which.
To a Christian, the idea of three voices making one being is particularly significant. We believe we are created in the image of a triune God, three voices or spirits making one being. The voices of the mind are just another way in which the human person is a simplified image of an unfathomable God.
The combination of these three voices forms a person’s “self”. Every person has a different mixture of these three voices, or rather has given different levels of influence to each voice. Every person has a unique from of these three, forged from life experience, intellect, understanding, and God- given uniqueness. These aspects together form a personality, or the self perception. The decisions that these voices, in simpler form, a persons thought process, are what you do based on what you believe you are.
The person you are inside, as organized into the three voices, controls how you decide things, and what actions you will take. You do not do things out of character without due reason, unless that image of what you are inside has changed.
These actions, based on self-image, are what others around you see. The people circling a person do not see that person as that person sees themselves. People form images of others based on their external actions, and that interpretation of the actions, caused by self image, rarely produce the same image of “self” as they were meant to. Put simply people don’t see your reactions the same way you do, and so they do not see you the way you do. The way other people see you is the second vantage point: realistic perception. This is primarily defined by others interpreting your actions.
This raises the question, is a person the “self” they see, or how others interpret them. Both sides have their logical strengths and weaknesses, but what is most logical is a case by case understanding. While one person may be defined by what others see of them, another may act in a way that who he believes himself to be is the greater part.
In the film Batman Begins, a prevalent phrase, as spoken first my Rachel Dawes, is one example of a way of seeing this difference. “Its not what you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.” That is a very simple way of saying that the person you see your are, your self image, is not who you are, but rather who you are is the person people interpret you to be by your actions. In this case, I would disagree. The character of Bruce Wayne/Batman, whole to everyone else, is actually two people, but to all who see the movie, we know that they are one and the same. So the question is, is the person of Bruce Wayne/ Batman, the person he acts himself to be, or the person he sees himself to be? Logically, taking in both of his personas, that character would be the person he believes himself to be. The persona of Bruce Wayne, it seems, is an act, not an accurate representation of his own self image. He portrays the image of a rich, frivolous playboy, in order to cover nighttime activities. Because this is not who he really is, the actions preformed under this persona, though able to be interpreted, does not show who he is, but rather who he wants people to think he is.
The person inside is what shapes the person people see. If you dislike how you view yourself, your actions will reflect that dislike, and others will interpret those actions in kind. Only rarely do people act against the person they see themselves as, and those that do are trying to get people to think of them as a specific thing. Either a person is putting on a face for the public, and is thus considered a disingenuous person, or the person their actions show them to be is a reflection of the person they are inside.
For Christians, the effort is to accept Christ on the inside, and make the person you are, and the person you see you are as like Him as you are able. The more Christlike you are on the inside, the actions others interpret you as will more directly reflect Christ as well.
In the end, knowing the difference between what you see you as is simply a way to unify ones personality. When looking at the way you see yourself; if others do not treat you as you feel they should based on who you see you are, then the way you act is not accurately representing that inside person.

Segment II: Constitute
When only cops have guns, it's called a "police state".

“My belief has always been . . . that wherever in this land any individual's constitutional rights are being unjustly denied, it is the obligation of the federal government -- at point of bayonet if necessary -- to restore that individual's constitutional rights.”

A constitutional democracy is in serious trouble if its citizenry does not have a certain degree of education and civic virtue.

A law can be both economic folly and constitutional.

Segment III: Foundations
http://www.usconstitution.net/const.html

Segment IV: Season
So After Quitting my Job at subway just before WEEK 1 of SSI, I had planned to get an internship at the state capitol, and ride that until I went to Hillsdale in January. I was working on Spanish 1 and had anticipated finishing Spanish 2 by the end of July. As of now it seems like everything I thought then would happen is being thrown about.
During SSI I found an amazing group of people. The kind of group that for the second time in my life was completely fulfilling without disastrous side affects. We sat together at nearly every meal, and were almost constantly laughing. I cannot say why this formation of “The Table” has affected the outlook of my fall season, but it has. I’m not sure what is coming for all of us, but its going to be fun.
During Week 1 of SSI I hit a low. Not the lowest I have been, but still an extreme low. Though I was able to hide it from the table, im sure it adversely affected the way I was perceived, ad it was a shock to the core of who I thought I was.
See I am afflicted by being a pointless teenager. From the time I was fourteen until only recently I have been a slacker, entertainer, and someone who has not earned the right to be taken seriously. After striving to outgrow such past childishness, the after affects torment me even moreso.
While growth precludes the idea of ever entirely being rid of a past form, I find myself with a strong desire to completely re-write who I am, because so much of who I am is based on a weak, useless form of myself. I want to be better in every way, because I am inadequate, as I see myself. This manifests itself as self-loathing, which is only further confounded by everyone’s perception of me.
See I have no delusions that I have earned the way I am treated. By my past actions I have shown that I deserve the ignorance and disrespect I feel that I am shown. There was a time that I was ok with that, but that time has passed. As I strive to “grow up” and re-write what I see myself as, and therefore what I am, I am often stifled by the social role I am put it. Name change, hair color, scars, and jewelry are all ways I have tried to physically show that there is something different about me. On some level I hope (likely in vain) that if others see a physical difference, perhaps they will notice an internal difference in who I am, and thus desire to understand this new person I am Becoming.
After SSI, which included some healing, I Was faces with some unexpected decisions and situations. Firstly, In order to maintain insurance coverage, I have to be enrolled in College. This created a short period of panic in which I applied to LCC, and registered for courses. I am now scheduled to start Fencing, Aikido, and Business Math on Aug 20th.
I still have to start Spanish II in order to be eligible for Hillsdale. But doing it, as well as College may be a drag on my mind; thus I hope to have it completed before the 20th. This being the case, however, I failed to consider SSI into my plans. After the summer program last year, I volunteered my (then) new computer to produce and replicate DVD’s from the summer program events to sell. This project, with all the video capturing and editing it involves, is a timing nightmare, and requires daily attention.
The internship I had hoped to get has not yet panned out, and so that time is still “free” in as much as I will have to use it to accomplish all my other goals. My parents want me to be working in any case, whether paid or not, so I have applied to the Local Health Food Store. I have yet to hear back but I’m confident. The prospect of an internship, job, as well as SSI and College is daunting, but I still hope I can do it. Nothing will better prepare me for the hard work that waits ahead at school.

Segment V: Postponed

Segment VI: Collide
When I came here there was more.
Now I've come back to destroy,
And I've got nothing left,
And it's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love,
And it's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
We break.

When the cold comes crashing down,
And the fight lost what it's about.
I could tell that you'd left.
It's a shame what we've become,
When we hurt the ones we love.
It's a place I can not go,
Anymore.

When we collide we lose ourselves.
When we collide we break in two,
And as we push and we shove and we hurt the ones we love,
It's a hard mistake.
When we collide,
When we collide.

It's a hard mistake,
When we collide.

Segment VII: Table

Emerald

Emerald
Segment I: Complacent
The Declaration of Independence (1776) of the United States grants in-exclusively the right to the pursuit of happiness. On the surface this would seem an empty promise; saying only that you are free to pursue happiness, but attaining it is not something we herein protect. The question remains, is it acutely possible to attain happiness. The answer, as commonly interpreted, would be no, for so many reasons.
In common translation, the idea of the Pursuit of happiness is primarily affecting on one’s economic status, and in such a capitalist society, the possibility of attaining and maintaining economic “happiness” includes a near constant struggle and work. The amount of effort economic success necessitates negates any potential happiness the status would cause. This is actually a good thing, as the idea of defining happiness economically precludes the possibility of what is more logically the source of happiness: one’s own personal level of contentment.
Contentment does indeed suit as a much better definer of happiness, however dangerous it can be. Perhaps it is a pessimistic idea, but the world itself is under stress, possibly more than any social, political, or even geological grouping can handle. Change is necessary in even a stable culture, in one form or another. The constant struggle within culture of ideas, worldviews and beliefs, political, social and religious all, serves to make contentment within any of those circles near impossible. But even if someone where to become content with their life and situation in the midst of the modern confusion, would they necessarily be right in having such happiness? For the sake of that happiness I would say no. If a person is content, they, whether consciously or not, will strive to maintain their own contentment. In order to do so, to keep an even unchanging status, they must exclude external stresses that would unbalance their even lives. If enough people ignore ongoing problems, then eventually the culture/system the sought to maintain will collapse around them, thus obliterating the happiness they had.
These functions and definitions of happiness being as they are, the would-be cruelty of “pursuit of happiness” must again be questioned. Was happiness never meant to be attained? If not, how harsh it seems that the laws of the US would seek to protect the practice of its pursuit. You are expected to, and given the opportunity to pursue happiness, even though you will never reach it.
Regardless, the modern Federal government seems to be taking another step in re-defining a founding right of our nation; since the pursuit isn’t working, and no one is happy trying for it, then the federal government will work to provide happiness to everyone who cant get it on their own. For those without housing or employment, the government will build projects and give unemployment benefits, so they can be happy, without the pointless pursuit. Free health care, stimulus packages, federally controlled banks and car companies, so no one is pursuing anything any more, the government is merely controlling the source of their economy. What was the pursuit of happiness is now a guarantee of the best happiness the government can provide.
This is the opposite approach to the pursuit than would appear logical. I don’t believe people can ever really be happy by their own pursuits. There are too many factors in defining happiness, and goodness knows that even if we achieve what we think would make us happy, there is still incompleteness to that joy. But this is not reason to despair, not a cruelty on the part of the writers of the declaration of independence.
When we look at the phrase, we automatically see happiness, and assume that it is the greater part of the term. But happiness is an utopian ideal, like perfection, unconditional love, and peace, none of which can be attained by humans. The greater part of it is the PURSUIT itself. “…that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit…” We are endowed in our very nature a desire to never give up, and never stop moving. Thought we reach for what we cannot completely achieve, we are granted the ability to strive for the best.
May happiness never be given to us by a misguided government, because it removes from us one of our most sacred rights as humans. May we never become complacent or accept the way things are as the way they should be. May we never give p or give in because the forces against us are too hard to overcome. I chose to pursue the impossible.
Segment II: Riddle
ANSWERS IN THE NEXT BLOG

The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user
doesn't see it. What is it?

A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born
in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen.
How is this possible?

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain
on Earth?

Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the
summer. How is this possible?

What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics,
agreed is between heaven and earth?

A woman from New York married ten different men from that city, yet she
did not break any laws. None of these men died and she never divorced.
How was this possible?

Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar
bills?

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to make one
word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin's egg.
Why not?

Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the
egg is white"?

In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden
leg. Why not?

There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the
"International Home Show". One of them was the father of the other's son.
How could this be possible?

After the new Canon Law that took effect on November 27, 1983, would a
Roman Catholic man be allowed to marry his widow's sister?


Segment III: Future
http://www.satachievemore.com/

Segment IV: Iacov
Over the past year in my personal bible study I’ve made a habit of trying to see all the biblical characters as real people, who acted normally and had real issues and personalities. It’s harder than it sounds, and I’ve had to give up a lot of my preconceived notions about the heroes of scripture. Once I began looking at these people as humans, flesh and blood, I began to see a lot of similarities to my own personality and that of certain characters.
My mom has oft introduced me as her “Jacob”, in reference to the younger of the twins Jacob and Esau. Only recently have I really begun to see the similarities between myself and the patriarch of the nation of Israel. Not that I have a direct promise from god of prosperity, not a romance with two very manipulative women, but in personality he and I match.
In the bible, Jacob is describes as being “among the tents”. AN indoor person. Though the passage isn’t clear as to what that completely entails I like to believe that Jacob liked to clean and cook and read. He would have been an office worker in modern times.
Its also clear from scripture that Jacob was a manipulator. Not cruel or selfish necessarily, but he knew how to work people, and he got that trait from his mom. It even says he was born pulling his brothers leg, literally. I’ll admit I like to work people, to study them and to do things to get people to react a certain way. I wouldn’t define myself as manipulative, but in essence I suppose I am.
Jacob was also notably dramatic. When things were bad, they were really bad, and he brought other down with him, when he was mad, he was really mad, to the point of wrestling with God himself. I know I’m dramatic. I always have been. It’s a little comforting to know hat God has already dealt with someone way worse than I am.
As far as his family was concerned, we know Jacob had one Brother who was the outdoorsy, workman, hands on, labor type. Esau also sort of fell in Jacobs shadow as far as both their parents and history was concerned. This may sound presumptuous of me, but though I have never stolen my brothers right as the eldest son, I have always felt like I was the more privileged of the two of us boys. This has been especially true in recent years.
We don’t know how many other siblings Jacob had, and we don’t hear about them if he did have any. Similarly, I am the outspoken active one that everyone knows in my family. It’s just the way I am. My sister, though not necessarily unheard of, is alright with living in the background. Not to say that I am more important than Abby, again, but the similarity is there.
My mom says she is like Peter, my dad I believe is like his namesake, Paul from scripture. I think everyone if they looked hard enough, could find a person from biblical history they match decently with. I know that I match with Jacob, and that makes me happy. For all of his issues, God did something amazing with Jacob, and I hope for the same someday.

Segment V: Angel
“Target acquired, dropping to minimum speed.” Mumbled a bored-sounding pilot. As the craft slowed from a blinding speed, nearly to a halt, the shining blue curve of a planet’s upper atmosphere came into view. The slow moving ship arched itself into an orbit over the planet, as two other ships came out of hyper speed and began a similar orbital hovering nearby.
“This is the rock that the council wants dominions over. Are there even any people on it?” Said another apathetic sounding voice over a strange radio system that linked the three craft.
“Ask the phycic.” Came a robotic a third robotic voice.
On board the lead vessel, a black hooded man with pale blue skin and bright green eyes, sat, listening with his mind for voices far below. “Yes,” He whispered, “There are many minds all active about various things. Too much of a crowd to listen in on any one person, not that we need to.” He looked around at the others who waited in the passenger bay of the space vehicle. A brightly dressed elderly Deltox, an elemental magician with his fancy staff.
Beside the Deltox, there was a younger elven girl, holding onto a leather strap in the wall, to balance herself in the uneven space gravity. She had more melee weapons strapped to her body than anyone had dared try to count, and little else.
The robotic voice echoed through the ship, “Intelligence suggests that this planed has no knowledge of space travel, and will thus be unlikely to be prepared for our coming. Their defenses will be of little concern to us. The council sent us here to bring its light to the people of this world, and they should be very accepting of Council rule.”
“How the hell do we have intelligence on a planet no one has ever been to before?” another vice echoed over the mental com-link. “Do they have Magic, or knowledge of alchemy?”
The Mechanical voice that came from the ship now came from a robotic body that walked across the unfunished passenger bay. “Doubtful, but we are prepared for any-“ It paused, listening to nothing for a moment. “Communication from Council. We are going to be joined by their newest… creation. An enhanced human.”
The Vampyre-Psycic groaned inwardly. A rookie. As if this would be team of “superpowers” needed another freak. He mentally ran through the Checklist of the occupants of the three invading starships; Tala, the young elven combat Artist girl with all the weapons, Dek 5.4, the former human, turned robot that was flying two of the ships with its wireless mind, Arkon, the old elemental magician, Spera, The Human alchemist, Rotor, the Impirical Magic user, and Jon, the shape shifter, (who actually was taking the form of the third spacecraft). The nameless vampire reached out with his mind, growing bored with the tedium of waiting to attack, trying to convince the others that it was time to make their approach.
This team was comprised of the most powerful beings in each of their respective fields. The Council, a great, ancient body of immortals who had ruled the entered of the know universe, and perhaps other universes for millions of years, employed this team to conquest planets that had either risen up against the Council, or were yet unclaimed by its iron hand.
Successful in his mental manipulating, the three ships (or two ships and one shape shifter) began the decent towards the greatest center of population. But before they had hardly even entered the atmosphere of the planet, the sky around them erupted with countless explosions. The three ships collided hard with an invisible shield of some kind, bouncing off of it, back into t he field of explosions.
“Inadequate defenses, Dek? Last time I ever trust our intel going in.”
The Deltox, Impirical, and vampire all probed the shield, searching for a way to tear it down and break through, as Dek and Jon took evasive maneuvers. “These detonations would likely do us little harm if we were hit, but as we don’t know whether they are a form of alchemy, magic or technology, I advise we continue with caution.” The robot said, “Have you ascertained the nature of the barrier, yet, magicians? “
With an angry glare, the Vampyre gave the robot a mental shove, causing both it, and the two fighters it was piloting to spiral out of control. Tala had a blade to the vampyres throat instantly. “A hit from one fo those things would most definitely kill the both of us, so do your job and let Dek fly.”
Arkon groaned. “I can’t find a way through the barrier. It seems to surround the whole planet.”
“You are too large in those ships” A clear voice rang out in all their minds, unbidden. As soon the invaders registered what was said, an object came hurtling out of the nothingness of space, past the planet, tearing through the barrier like a needle. Though it was fast, the skilled warriors aboard the fighters were all able to identify it by the image the Vampyre broadcast into their minds.
A young human, with long, pointed ears, and a clean, well-muscled bare chest. As the atmosphere burned around him, its light brightened the already red tones of his hair, and highlighted the reddish brown flecks of the massive wingspan that stretched from his back. His eyes burned with Impirical fire, and his hands cleared his path with alchemic sparks. His voice echoed through their minds again. “I am Antien, the new Progenitor of the great Council. I am their Angel. You may know me henceforth as Firefly.”…
Segment VI: Hero
I'm just a step away
I'm a just a breath away
Losing my faith today
Falling off the edge today

I am just a man
Not superhuman
Someone save me from the hate

It's just another war
Just another family torn
falling from my faith today
Just a step from the edge
Just another day in the world we live

I need a hero to save me now
I need a hero to save my life
A hero'll save me just in time

I gotta fight today
To live another day
Speakin my mind today
My voice will be heard today

I've gotta make a stand
But I am just a man
I'm not superhuman
My voice will be heard today

It's just another war
Just another family torn
My voice will be heard today
It's just another kill
The countdown begins to destroy ourselves

Who's gonna fight for what's right
who's gonna help us survive
we're in the fight of our lives
And we're not ready to die

Who's gonna fight for the weak
Who's gonna make 'em believe
I've got a hero
I've got a hero

Livin in me

I'm gonna fight for what's right
today I'm speaking my mind
and if it kills me tonight
I will be ready to die

A hero's not afraid to give his life
A hero's gonna save me just in time

Segment VII: Sister

Segment I: Excuse
Truth is a funny thing. How much untruth is there in the world, and why is there so much. People fault followers of God for having sectors and denominations; honestly I am one of those people. But there is a part of me that understands it. Christ-followers, in general, have seen a basic truth that the rest of the world wants to ignore. The reason is simple: Truth is small, its hard, and its exact.
Lies and myths can be anything the human imagination can develop, but truth is unquantifiable narrow and simple. That is why there are so many factions, thoughts, ideas, and beliefs in the world, and why people deny that there is such a thing as truth. With so many possibilities, how can any one person be completely right, and therefore we all must be equally wrong and right?
Imagine the spectrum of all possible ideas or truths as a target. Only it’s a special target that is so big that it actually curls around a person. Two people shooting at this same target, trying to hit truth, can aim in exact opposite directions. The downside that this whole target isn’t truth. If it were, both marksmen would be equally accurate. No, truth is the smallest conceivable point in only one place on the target.
Christians, as I see it and believe, have a sight on that pinpoint of the target, that one tiny spot that is truth, ad they are all aiming for it. The problem is no one aims the same way or starts from the same place, and the target is now so small that no one can hit it. One group of people aim for truth and hit near it, but not on it exactly and the gather themselves up because they all have decided that theirs is the best way to hit truth, and call themselves Baptists. Another group aims differently and hits just to high, but not closer or farther away than the first and they call themselves Lutherans, and so on and so fourth.
Al these different factions of people seeing the same truth of scripture and are aiming for it as they should. They strive to hit the one and only real truth. But the thing is that while one group understands some of the truth, they also have some of it wrong. Again, truth is exact and specific, and if you are even the slightest bit off, its not truth anymore. We humans. We aren’t capable of ever getting exactly on the truth. One group of us may be closer than another, but does that make them right? No. By Gods grace we only need to see one truth, not even necessarily to understand it, in order to claim the prize.
The world can aim at whatever they want and call it truth, but one needs real truth to aim at, or the point of it becomes moot. That tiny spot on the target that is truth, yet it is so vast.
I’ve already stated that I think Christians are at least aiming the right direction. But sadly there are a great number who are just missing the mark. Sure they see what they are supposed to be hitting, but they just refuse to shoot for the hardest goal, and settle for “as near as I can get”.
Understanding real truth is almost unheard-of it seems sometimes. Undoubtedly, understanding of truth is a weapon and a tool that does not come to anyone who doesn’t try for it and even those who do try may never reach it. But once attained, even in part, it is powerful, but fickle.
I believe everyone has a specific role to play in the wonderful 4 dimensional chess game of time and history and the future. Everyone is given what he or she needs to play the part they are meant to play.
In a world that is broken and rotting for lack of solid, real truth, those who have the truth are in a position to do great and amazing things. But it is so much more than just a position to be filled. It is destiny. Those who have been given truth have it for a reason it is the weapon in their hand and the defense at their back in a battle against ideas and beliefs that are all backwards and bent.
If a person is given the truth, they cannot walk away from it, no matter how much they may want to. It is compelling, and deep and consuming, and any person given the truth doesnt not have the option of being stagnate, rather a responsibility and obligation to go forward with it. They cannot walk away and leave the untruth to stand. They have been given the most powerful weapon in the world, and they have no excuse.
Segment II: Serentiy
Bendis: We're gonna die.
Mal: We are not gonna die. You know why? Because we are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw!
- - -
Wash: (as Stegosaurus) Yes...yes. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...this land.
Wash: (as Allosaur) I think we should call it...your grave!
Wash: (as Stegosaurus) Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
Wash: (as Allosaur) Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now DIE!
Wash: (as Stegosaurus) Oh no, God, oh dear God in heaven..
- - -
Book: I brought you some supper, but.… if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin, and hellfire… one has lepers.
- - -
Mal: [to Jayne] Now, you've only got to scare him.
Jayne: Pain is scary.
- - -
Inara: I like watching the game. As with other situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back.
- - -
Zoe: Planet's coming up a mite fast.
Wash: That's just 'cause- I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.
[As the ship begins to shake, Mal calmly leaves.]
Mal: Well, [if] that happens, let me know.
- - -
Mal: It would be humiliating, having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man.
[He lightly stabs Atherton.]
Mal: Guess I'm just a good man.
[He repeats the poking.]
Mal: Well, I'm all right.
- - -
River: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
Mal: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.
- - -
Jayne: "Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. [flips page] Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
- - -
Book: … you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
- - -
Kaylee: Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty.
Wash: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.
Kaylee: 'Cause I'm pretty?
Wash: 'Cause you're pretty.
- - -
Wash: Every planet has its own weird customs. About a year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese. My hand to God. Baby geese. Goslings. They were juggled.
- - -
Simon: My God. You're like a trained ape... without the training!
Segment III: Comic
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=320BAFE81584B804
Segment IV: Status
I have spoken before in my status of mediocrity, but just for all to be present in the pattern of thoughts, I will review in short: I’m really not good at anything. Passable at a lot of things, but I have no discernable talents or unique abilities. Jack of all trades master of none.
This being the case I have recently been wondering why. There are a lot of different situational circles in my life right now: two families, and different goings in within each, a job and interpersonal dynamics as well as a desire to not be there, SSI, both friends who I have begun new relationships with and lost old ones, as well as working at the office to prepare.
There are so many places in my life that I question the need for my participation. I suppose in ways its similar to the idea of “it’s a Wonderful Life”. I cannot see how my life has affected anyone in positive ways that they could not achieve on their own without me.
One ongoing situation that has only recently presented itself comes to mind in particular. I have been asked to be involved, but I see no logical benefit for my presence.
I hate not having any point to my life, but it seems to be an unavoidable status at this point
Segment V: Divide
http://antien-nathan.xanga.com/703085423/divide/
Segment VI: New
I remember black skies
And lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to burn
Like a startling sign
The feint had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Ignite the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide

There is nothing inside
The memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
The ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
Between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

Segment VII: Stop

**AUTHORS NOTE*** New Segment: Segment 7- Photo. Basically one of the thousands of pictures ive taken that i felt like sharing. ** END NOTE**

Segment I: Commencement

Things are rapidly changing for most of the people I know. This is the time of year we usually dedicate to graduates. Hundreds of thousands of speeches will be given across the nation at every high school, public and private; and in majority they will proclaim a message of bright futures and grand opportunities. The great potential of our generation will be cited, but it seems for the first time those promises, or rather the promise of this generation will be tested.
Where have all these promising graduates to go in an ever-declining world? With a national deficit owed to the people who are completely oblivious to their own nigh on inevitable disaster; and who have become completely dependent on a market, government and theology that is specifically designed to take away from them; what point is there in promising a bright future?
What started as a republic, and is believed to be a mob ruled democracy, is now nothing more than a governmentally reliant nation that has lots its will to fend for itself. Here is the true vision we are the man who hasn’t left his house in five years, and is working at a pointless computer job in a pool of his own piss because he is too fat and lazy to leave the desk in his bedroom. His body is crushing him, he is dying, and his only aim is to continue his own weak existence. It wont be long before the world powers have to cut a hole in the wall of his apartment and lift him out with a crane because there is no other way to move the dead mass that was the United states of America and make room for whatever body that the UN will decide we should have.
Our laws are being made for us; either by a disjointed, separated, rank body of elected officials, or by forgiven powers to whom those politicians have further federated our once sovereign nation. The entire purpose of such a federal control system is to promote a peace and unity that has only served to further destroy the fabric of what was once a unified nation into political parties so diverse and intermingled that there is hardly any point to their existence. The government is struggling to keep its own head on, and it is rotting well beyond the core.
America is owned by the nation we have exported our jobs to. In a mad rush to make more money as a nation, we have given up our ability to make money as individuals. To the new crop of graduates; high school, collegiate, and doctorate all, you will see the bulk of your employment given away in order to provide life at as little cost as possible. You no longer have the option to work hard for your dream, as the rewards will not be enough to substantiate you. Oh the irony that Americas attempt to reach the American Dream has now suffocated the life of that dream away.
I would beg you to turn to the church, but alas even that once holy body is now so lost that it has forgotten from whence it came. Churches are pro-life and pro-choice, for a millennial reign and against it; homosexual, legalistic, liberal, secular, humanist, evolutionary, incestuous, hopeless, economic, and popularity based bodies all gather in the name of the same God, with the hope that their denominational differences give them justification for whatever difference they have from other bodies. And even then those churches that do stand for some method of true righteousness are on the brink of collapse, with pews that appear less used every passing week. Believe whatever you want about God and Christ, and there is a church for you. If you are able to weed through all of the lies, the losses, the agendas, and the politics to see the truth of God that has been abandoned by and for the Church of Self, then cling to that truth.
So here, Graduates, is your Commencement. Whatever you believe and stand for, and however you intend to act on your convictions, be ready. The world you are entering has never been easy to any generation. But to you the perils are greater than perhaps ever. You stand at a point of history where all odds are against you. The Government can only think to help itself; the economy is bereft of benefits; and the church barely clings to the name of God. The world is on the brink of collapse around you and there is no place you can turn that will be safe.
Though trite and cliché, the world will be what you make it, for it stands on the edge of a knife, and a historical change is about to commence. We are the deciders. It falls to us to re make the world form the putrid remnants of our predecessors decisions. Where we go from here is up to you.

Segment II: Fight

On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 2

For thousands of years, human beings had screwed up and trashed and crapped on this planet, and now history expected me to clean up after everyone. I have to wash out and flatten my soup cans. And account for every drop of used motor oil. And I have to foot the bill for nuclear waste and buried gasoline tanks and landfilled toxic sludge dumped a generation before I was born. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 16

I see the strongest and the smartest men who have ever lived... and these men are pumping gas and waiting tables. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 19
All a gun does is focus an explosion in one direction. You have a class of young strong men and women, and they want to give their lives to something. Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don't need. Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 19

We don't have a great war in our generation, or a great depression, but we do, we have a great war of the spirit. We have a great revolution against the culture. The great depression is our lives. We have a spiritual depression. ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 19

Segment III: Webster

http://1828.mshaffer.com/d/search/word,Marry

Segment IV: Unsettled
Without question my life is completely uprooted right now. For those of you that know my often flights of drama or exaggeration, please do not assume at first that the statement previous is such an instance. I ask that you hear what I have to say and then decide how true my feelings and expressions are.
After only three weeks on the market, my family’s house sold. In the middle of a horrific turn in the market for housing, we were able to see the fastest turn around on any house since my parents first moved in together. While on the outside this may seem good news, it brings to light a problem. We now have nowhere to live.
As most houses available in the area are owned by the bank and are wither trash or out of our price range, options for new places to live are far more rare for us that we originally thought. The one house we are interested in (bank owned) may not even be near closing for six months. The bank is under the delusion that they can appraise it and get more money out of the house than it is actually worth. From my little understanding, it appears that by the end of the week my family may not have anywhere to live.
Interestingly enough, my family also is lacking in a spiritual home. For nearly a year we have been searching for a new church only to become more and more distressed at the well being of the body of Christ here in Lansing. Congregation after congregation are led or filled with spiritually bereft pastors and elders. Some meet in decayed buildings where the pastor is old and running out of energy, while others meet in grand halls only to have slovenly parishioners, who do no credit tot eh name of God by their actions. And in nearly all cases, even those churches that seem string in doctrine, theology and character, the attendance is low, and more often than not borders on dying.
The social world around me is completely new even from what it was at the beginning of the year. I am surrounded now by a new family of people I care about deeply and who care about me in spite of what I believed were insurmountable character flaws. However, regardless of my love for my family I seem to always be in some sort of struggle with the way things are with them. My hearts is always in chaos, no matter how much peace they offer me. I worry that on some level, a large part of me want to be alone, separate from people who would care about me, and that’s is why I am unable to ne still and content with the support they have shown me. But even more so I am unable to shake the feeling that somehow I will hurt them all in the end and be forced to leave again. I believe that I will inevitabely hurt the people I have come to care about. At times I can explain why, others I cant. At this moment I cant.
In the past weeks I have been haunted by the memory of a mistake that cost me dearly almost a year ago. But alas, following my ever-masochistic nature, I feel myself wanting to prolong my exposure to that which reminds me so completely of every thing about myself that I hate. Every time I am exposed to this “source” even in the most remote way, I get the mental image of the flash of a firearm, its bullet forcing its way into my body. Head, stomach, chest, back, the target ever changes, but the image and desire are always the same: I feel that it would be easier to live with this image of death than how I feel about myself. That is the most honest way I can word this.
After being denied entrance to Hillsdale I feel separated from a path that I once held strongly to. I feel without real purpose or direction. Any goal I once had has left me, and I don’t know that I have the strength to find it again. I work at Subway; though not as deeply pathetic as it could be, I don’t feel that I could fall any lower.
What am I? I don’t have a role or function of necessity in any place. I’m not a student, or a child. I’m not an adult. In some ways I belong where I am. But I’m still floating, nameless and meaningless.
These are my feelings as best as I can express them. These words, as they often do, fail to explain what I feel or think. I am trapped inside my mind, unable to get free because I lack the words to explain. I want to claw my way out of my own head. What does that say about me?

Segment V: Sister

He is home. Not as exciting as used to be for me. Every time I try to go and talk to him when he gets back from one of his every more frequent late night excursions he gets mad at me. “Go to Bed, Alyssa.” Doesn’t he realize how hard it is to sleep when I am so worried about him. He’s My brother. No matter how much he tries to push me away I cant help but worry. Something happened to him, but I can’t make him tell me what. I know he will tell me when he is ready, but what could have hurt him so badly that he is keeping it from me so vehemently. Oh, dear Nathan, why won’t you let me help you?
I’m the only one in the world who can even tell something is wrong with him. Well maybe not they only one, but I am the only person who can guess at the real reason. Nathan, or Antien, as he remembers his name, isn’t normal. He was born just like anyone else I’ve ever heard of, and as far as I know he was just another growing boy until he was fourteen.
My parents were very close friends with Nathan’s parents as far back as I can remember. The were so close that when my Dad lost his job, I’m told, we moved in with them till we got back on our feet. They were even so close that when my parents died, the Sisson’s adopted me. My Parents old car didn’t have ABS, and in December of 2002, on the icy Mid-Michigan roads, we weren’t able to stop from sliding into oncoming traffic. I still remember the Sound of the semi-truck’s blaring horn. No one knows how I survived.
I don’t remember much else of that Christmas. I’m guessing I blocked it out because of how hard it was for me. Nate became my adopted brother before the end of January. It took him a long time to get used to me as a permanent addition to his family. However, after a time, we both were glad to share the moments of our young lives together. And in the summer of 2005 we were both very glad of it.
I remember that summer well. Both of us do. Without many details, it was between the first and third weeks of SSI (Student Statesmanship Institute) the program to which m brother has all but dedicated his life to since then.
I woke in the middle of the night with my brother leaning over my on my bed. I never knew how or why something was wrong, but I knew my brother needed me. I grabbed into his shaking form, holding him in my tightest eleven year old hug, hoping that it would be enough to protect him.
I cant say what was going on. There is no way of explaining it. We were being pulled from our bodies. That’s all I can say for sure. My eyes were torn out of my head, though without any pain. Being so close to him, I could feel what was happening to him. For him there was pain. I reached for his hand, but there was none to find. I was blind, thought I doubt there would have been anything for me to see. Everything was being torn away from us, including what we knew as ourselves.
Every molecule of his body was being pulled apart. As it is nothing any human has experienced, there is no comparison even remotely accurate. The force that took things away from us, the bed I was on, my room, our clothes; it was now pulling his body away from him, atom by atom. It was silent and terrible, but there was simultaneously a torrent of power around us and in us, flowing through us like water through net.
I have never been more alone than in that moment, as what I knew as my brother was taken from me forever and able to even know what was happening, let alone stop it.
Without much Detail: our existence was torn away from us.

Segment VI: Inside

I try to make it through my life, in my way, there's you
I try to make it through these lies, and that's all I do

Just don't deny it,
Don't try to fight this , and deal with it
that's just part of it,

If you were dead or still alive
I don't care, I don't care
Just go and leave this all behind
Cause i swear, i don't care

I try to make you see my side
Always trying to stay in line
But your eyes see right through
That's all they do

I'm getting buried in this place
I got no room your in my face
Don't say anything just go away

Love changing everything
You won't be left for me
I don't care, I don't care
At All

Segment VII: Skyward

Return

Segment I: Blog
So I have realized that taking a sabbatical from writing isn't really accomplishing what I want it to. Part of my goal of this blog is to explain things that are locked away inside myself. Ordinarily I try to avoid talking about myself in the first Segment, save to giving examples, but this time i am going to break that rule.
See I've never really been sure what a blog is. To me it is a place for ideas and beliefs and discussion, not so much a journal of events in my life. Clearly I also use a blog to share the stories that flow through my mind. Politics, ideologies, beliefs, obsessions. These are all topics, which i consider necessary to speak on in order to form what I consider a blog. However, Reading the blogs of people who have left footprints, I have learned that a blog can be almost anything to those who can communicate what is going on in their mind. A blog, by the way i thought of it, was relevant. It gave pertinent ideas to the reader, provoking thought. However, at least on xanga, this is not always the case. Many people use their blogs as a place to release information, some helpful and impressive, but others just run of the mill, or even just a recitation of daily activities.
The point I learned most was that, if a person is really able to communicate, even the most bland of blog topics becomes interesting. This is a paradox for me. See, all my "adult" life (by that I mean the time in which I have learned and understood the necessity for higher thought and reasoning, on a mature level) I have felt a limitation of my ability to communicate.
Many teenagers claim that “people just don’t understand”. Perhaps this is the same issue I struggle with, only I have the sense to know the core of its reality. It’s not that people just don’t understand me, its that I have never been able to communicate clearly the thoughts or feelings in my mind. I can, at times, with those who are close to me, relay a basic image of my thoughts, but even that often leaves me frustrated. I feel trapped inside my own mind, as though I speak one language and the rest of the world speaks another. No perhaps there is a better explanation: I am a Mac, the rest of the world is PC, or I am AM radio, the rest of the world is FM. We speak the same language and do the same things, but information that is given is different and is interpreted differently.
One of the few times I can truly express myself is through writing, primarily in fictional stories, secondarily here, in Blog form. But even that has a limitation; because I think of a blog as a reader-based fulcrum of a certain kind of information, I could only produce writings when I felt I had something that was of enough substance, then would spend a day agonizing over the actual writing process.
I can’t make my common thoughts, or day to day happenings interesting, unless I dress them up in my imagination which is easier for me to explain. This was the birth of my continuing blog story “Carry You Home”.
Alas, I know my break was short. Actually it was hardly a week, and therefore just an example of my low maturity level and self-knowledge. But by this post, I declare my pointless sabbatical over.

Segment II: Franklin
Not a man I Admire as much as others, but in continuation of Seg 1, Ben Franklin is a man who I wish to someday emulate. His ability to express good thoughts in few words is something I lack.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.

All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse.

At 20 years of age the will reigns, at 30 the wit, at 40 the judgment.

Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society.

Calling me an Englishman is like calling an ox a bull: he's grateful for the honor, but he'd rather have restored what's rightfully his.

Segment III: Film
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060665/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0068156

Segment IV: Subway
Three months into my fourth paying job: Subway. People I don’t mind, at least not in the small doses I have to deal with them. If I were to interact with them for any longer than what it takes to make a sub and ring them up, I would probably lose all customer service composure. But as simple and repetitive as the task of sub-making is, I don’t find it taxing at all.
In complete honesty my job is boring, and I’m not very good at it. Haven’t been able to figure out why I’m slow, disorganized and dysfunctional, I just am. Now my Co-workers do bring a certain amount of humor into the workplace, there are aspects about each of them tha ti have to work around, and being the worst worker (save one) makes it harder to function next to others at times.
Obviously the part of this job that give the most benefits and is the most annoying is the customer interaction, limited and simple as it may be. Interaction means tips at some times. While I working with people give me a very clear picture of how stupid people can be, it also provides a laugh.
I simply cannot stand people who delude themselves into thinking they can talk on the phone and order at the same time. Please get off the phone when talking ot the person making your food. Your nasty comments about my service quality isn’t half as bad as what I could do to your digestive system, and even though I am working in an apron, show some respect, if you would, please?
Then there are the people who do not understand the most obvious parts of a sandwich. Yes we have more than one kind of bread, and I need to know what that is, before you tell me what sauce you want on your laundry list of veggies.
A major annoyance is when one person come in and orders three or more subs. And this always happens when there is a line. Come on, I understand that you have a lot of people to feed, but we do take phone orders in advance. Conversely, we do not need prior notice for you to get one sub at three oclock. Just come in and we will make it for you. One or two subs are fine on the spot. Thank you.
While people can be very annoying, there are always the oddities and few nice people and unique circumstances that make it worth while.. for the most part.
I remember within my first week during lunch hour, with a line to the door on a cold day. I said something to the customer I was ringing up about Hawaii . Somehow that got translated to the person in the back of the line that I was FROM Hawaii, originally. The thought spread through the crowd and for a while I receive comments from people I rang up about how I could stand the snow after the perpetual summer of the islands. I have never been to Hawaii.
Not long ago, ding the final MSU games, we had a lot of business, and I started working primarily pre-closing shifts. During one of the games, two college girls came in emblazoned with MSU all over. The first one told us to turn the radio to the game so customers could listen, and said she would call with a good station. Her friend, as I rang her up, handed me a piece of folded paper with her cash. Thanks to Laura’s prompting, I was wearing my two rings, which this girl apparently saw. She took the note back, saying “Oh, You are married, never mind.” She was giving me her phone number! To a subway employee she had known for two minutes! Sigh
All of the confusions, and frustrations of working at Subway can mount up on me sometimes, and weigh me down. But tonight it was all made worth it.
About half an hour before I was set to go home, a man in his mid twenties came in. As I prepared to make his sub, but he didn’t order, instead looking at me and saying: “The girl I’m here with is autistic. She is still in the car and will be in in a second. I just wanted to let you know and tell you to be careful when helping her.” The girl, of about the same age, then came in and clung close to him. The ordered together, and she was unable to look up at the menu or myself very much or for very long. It was hard for her to choose a bread, and every time she said a word she looked at him as she finished. The process wasn’t as hard as you might think, and I was gentle. I enjoyed helping her, in all honesty.
They ate in-store for about 25 minutes. I was getting my things together, and had already clocked out for the night; Dean and I were talking in the back, when the girl came to the counter. And got our attention. She looked me in the eye, smiled, and said, “You were very nice to me. Thank you for your help.”
If you know anything about autism, then n you know how hard it was for her to do that. Those words made my week

Segment V: Recap I
What am I? Where am I? A list of such questions that could go on for some time, mostly derived to answer the question; Do I even exist? Am I just a bundle of fragmented Memories? No. I feel warm. I have a body, so I do exist.
These thoughts and memories; what order to the go in? I remember that I have a name. Or am I just giving myself a name to prove that I exist? Mehaghen. Yes, that is my name.
The warmth I feel is clearer. It’s not merely warmth; its pain. I am in deep, relentless pain. This is good. It is all I can feel, but I can feel it, and it give me proof that I am real and substantial. Pain is good. It proves that I am alive. I like pain.
I remember the beautiful winged man. Antien. He is wonderful. He hurt me. This is his world. No, this is the world that he came from. It could be his world, it should be, but He doesn’t remember.
This isn’t my world. Why am I here? I come from another world. An Alther-world, where things are very different than they are here. People are able to do things there that aren’t possible here. Impirical magicians who create and pattern unnatural energy forms, and Natural magicians who can control the elements. Telekinetics, who could feel and move objects with their thoughts; and mind-taps, with their insight and control over the thoughts and feelings of others.
I don’t belong in this world. So why am I here? Antien came to my world a long time ago and became powerful. The made him more powerful than anything that has physical form. They made him their Angel of death, and they made us after him, to serve as his generals. I was more than that. I was his playmate, his lover. So long ago now that it almost seems not to have happened, but I cannot forget him, nor can I let him go.
After having been in our world so long, something sent him back to the world he had come from. I don’t remember what caused him to go back, but I do remember that I followed. Because he had traveled between worlds, the barrier separating the dimensions was changing, allowing better access. Antien had been the first to go between, but after him things began to change in his world.
When he returned to this world, his memory of everything that had happened, everything that he was, somehow was erased. While the abilities he had in our world should not have been possible in his, they manifested anyway; though because he couldn’t remember, he was unable to use them to their fullest.
With the world shift barrier changing, the worlds were not merging, and for the most part would remain two separate universes; the dissimilarities between them were diminishing. Magic, alchemy, and mental powers were beginning to manifest in a word that had not before allowed such things. Antien and I had both witnessed the first signs of the change; groups of human mages performing alchemic reactions and calling meteors down form the skies.
I was the first to Follow Antien from or world, but I knew I was not the last. Other would follow me, others who would not be as friendly towards this world as I. The council that had given Antien his powers was growing in strength again, and they would not be long in waiting before they made conquest of this world. Others would follow me, but none as dangerous as I.
Now I remember it all. The taste of my Antien’s blood, and the power he unleashed. Now I lay on the bottom of the ocean, the weight of the water crushing down on me. I will Have my way with him. I will not again be the lesser of the two of us. He will taste what power I can unleash. I am not dead.
I am Fully alive.

Segment VI: Fingernails
Never reaching what I want to reach
Never being who I want to be
Blaming me when I fall and fail
All my dreams splintering
Under my fingernails

I’m empty, lonely, and accused
Accused without a word
My fingernails are chipping down
From clawing in the dirt
I’m so lost, lost and confused
I threw it all away
How can I be beautiful
When I am so afraid

All my dreams out of reach
Under my fingernails

I watched it all slip through my hands
My brokenness revealed
I’m so proud, I’m so proud
I’m crying to be filled
I’m killing, destroying the plague
That’s killing me away
I’ve got to live, I’ve got to love
Like I am unafraid

I’m wasting, wasting every moment
I want to be tasting
Tasting every moment with you
I’m suffering, I’m bleeding, on my knees
Who’s gonna save me?
Suffering, bleeding
Save me from this pit of frailty
All my dreams out of reach
Under my fingernails

Never reaching me

Sabbatical

Dear readers,
My life has become a little overwhelming for me in the past few weeks. I am now to the point where I feel overwhelmed by the way things are, and am unable to change them.
That being said, the purpose of this update is to announce that I'm taking a break from writing for a while. Following one last Story-post sometime this week, I am discontinuing my blogging until further notice. I intend to resume regular posting sometime in the future, and will in all likelihood continue writing when I can until, but for my own personal record, rather than for public posting.

Until Such A Time
-Nathan Sisson

Meridian

Segment I –Best
Extremes are one thing I believe I can live my life without. Now in reality I understand that my anti-federalist beliefs to some may be extreme, and perhaps they are, but there is a difference in my mind between being extreme to the exclusion of opposites, and an educated worldview that leads one to a specified conclusion of political-theology. I’m not extreme, merely following the most logical path I see. Or if I am extreme, I am a common person in a world of extremists.
There are many extremes of all kinds; mental, emotional, physical, etc. Though traditionally considered a “new age” philosophy, it’s been on my mind recently that life should be lived in balance, not extreme. It is entirely impossible for any person to be truly happy, nay even content while living one extreme and failing to see their deficiency in another.
People should be the best they can be. But how does one go about defining “best” in this instance? Does being the best you can be mean being better than others? Does it mean excelling in an intellectual pursuit, or physical endeavor? Who is better, a Nobel Prize winner or an Olympic gold medalist? Is there even a comparison?
Indeed there is. I would say that they both are secondary, or even tertiary in rank. Though a gold medalist, while perhaps perfect in his own class and genre, is one example of extreme. Incredible physical condition in lieu of mental, emotional, spiritual, and perhaps even in eau of healthy living. Is this not an extreme in another form? How many great athletes are those who skipped college, or only attended college in order to practice their sport?
Not long ago I read an article in which some powerful news organization sought out the twenty most attractive men in one city. I looked through their results with some dismay. While all the men were well-muscled, broad shouldered, early thirties men with flawless skin, their professions and hobbies were almost exclusively firemen, athletes, body builders, and construction workers. Nothing wrong with any of these professions in and of themselves, but commonly they are found to be lacking in non-physical stimulation. I rejoiced to find among the ranks of these paragons of physical perfection, a single lawyer. What I thought was a hope was dashed, however, when I learned that he was a low-end paper/business lawyer, who had not been in front of a judge. A person whose life was spent mandating regulations, rather than interpreting law and applying skills of logic, reason and rhetoric. Yet more examples of another extreme: attractiveness and alternate physical perfection.
If one were to look into the greatest minds living in our age, or even the average intellectual mind, it would not be too much of a stretch to assume that while their minds were well trained, and their knowledge of one or two areas are vast, their understanding of unrelated arts and sciences would be limited and their physical fitness or even health would be lacking. Unlike the image that movies and television have produced, Doctors, lawyers, scientists, and researchers do not look like Brad Pitt, Jessica Alba, or Patrick Swayze.
By now a common theme has emerged. Let me add a playful metaphor. A human being is like a house: the muscles and bone are the lumber and drywall, plumbing and electronics are the mind and spirit, the furniture and windows are the looks overall. Perhaps not the greatest examples or comparisons, but the idea is there. Take away one of these parts and the house would not be livable.
The word “college” is interpreted in the mind of modern academics to be a place of higher education. But think for a second of the other uses, or the true meaning of that word. A “college of thought” is a single viewpoint on a single topic, limited to its own sphere of understanding. Thusly, when in reference to an educational institution, the “college” is in its truest form a place to learn about a single subject. However, in modern academia a College is not understood to be what it is. Colleges and even high schools (school having the same root definition as college, being a point of single focus) are not places of truly global education.
Colleges masquerade as the idea they have replaced: that of the university. Examine the word university, and you will find its main component to be “universal”. Thus a university, by definition, is a place of learning in which the mind is broadened to all possibilities, ideas, sciences, and arts. Alas, in its truest form, a university would even require someone seeking to further himself or herself to maintain a state of physical status equal to that of their intellectual knowledge.
As a hopeful student of law, I understand the need for single-minded vocational training in law school, but in order to be a complete person, I have to continually exercise all parts of my person, on mind and body. How can I be the best if I train my mind and lose my health, or become a great athlete and forget my intelligence?
None of this is to say that there is anything wrong with athleticism or knowledge, but even the Bible and Quran agree that all things should be attained in moderation. The New age philosophers believe in balance, Buddhists believe in oneness and wholeness. This is not a matter of religion it is a matter of being the best you can be.

Segment II- On the other hand

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Pardon my driving; I'm reloading.

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Mind Like A Steel Trap = rusty and illegal in 37 states

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?"

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.

Segment III- Terminate

Abort73.com

Segment IV- Goal

Goodness knows what is going to happen in the next five to seven years. Conservative Christians dub our current president as a destroyer, while the other side hails him as a savior. I don’t call him anything but a man, put in a position of power by men. Granted I disagree with him on most everything. I’m not sure still just how much I’m going to separate myself from him. I do see things about Obama that establish what I think of him, but unlike most, I honestly don’t believe he is going to make that much of a difference in the landscape of the future.
Within the next seven years, there are several things in my life I would like to see, and which I have set as goals to work towards. A House and land that I can call my own, even if the bank owns a certain percent of it. Considering the strange fluctuation of gas prices, a Honda Goldwing is my transportation of choice, and is another goal. Part of my conservative bent, as well as my desire above nearly all others to exercise in ever possible way, physically, mentally, and politically, in this case, have led me to make the decision to buy at lease one practical firearm each year till I’m thirty. True the sheer number of such an ideal rules out its own practicality, but it’s a goal, and the worst I can do is fail.
Economy is going to be the greatest factor in the next five years of my life. College is currently the most heady and sizable problem, but they are like boulders in a line; the largest one is only the one that is closest to you. Even so I am currently occupying at least three hors every day in a frantic search for scholarships. Someone in my position is not really in any place to receive money for college. Hillsdale prides itself on not taking any government money, and I’m not any academic or athletic standout, leaving me no options in those departments. Another dream/goal of mine is to pay my parents back 100% of what they paid for my schooling by the time I’m twenty-eight. That’s not looking like a strong prospect right now.
While I, again, don’t think that Obama will be the end of all freedom, or the beginning of a new era, I do feel that one-day things will not be as they are now. Freedoms and rights, while intrinsic and natural, but they are not without cost, nor without repercussion. Like eating is a natural part of life, it is necessary and to be enjoyed, but a person has to learn to feed themselves or they will die. In the same way rights, while a natural necessity, must be both trained and worked for. For generations now, we have been a complacent nation for so long we are forgetting how to eat. So for my impractical desire to buy a new weapon every year for the next 11 years, it is merely my way of making sure my own rights aren’t forgotten.
I have some direct, yet unusual goals set for my life before twenty-five. Perhaps pipedreams, but I know without goals, even impossible ones, my years will become a waste, and I have seen too many of my generation lose themselves in pointless living. There are no words for the feeling in my heart when I explain my goals and dreams for the near future. The logic of it is hard to express for me. Even so there it is, in part. My work out plan for life.

SEGMENT V- Friends

http://nathan0antien.wordpress.com/2009/03/14/explanations-2/

Segment VI- Incubus

I'm at the end of my ribbon again
For those who own to apathy
You had the perfect opportunity
But pled the Fifth and walked away

Oh! Say something
Make us proud
Cast the first stone
Say any anything at all

Make a move
For every one thing we're ignorant of
A thousand more things beat the maze, yeah
You saw the apple hanging on a tree
But missed the orchard in your gaze

I'm cautious of who I would call a friend
Who you aquaint is who you are
The darkest hours are when we choose a side
So make your pick and take a fall