Israel

I will be in israel for the next several days, till March 31. I will catch up on blog posting at that point. I would appreciate all of your prayers, as me and my senior class tour the Holy Land and share the completion of the story of the Jews with them.
www.verityinstitute.org/israel

March 20- If you could have a world of your own, what would it be like? Who would be there? What would you do there?

I do have my own world. I have had it since i was 12. I live both there and here. I have about 10000 years of history buried in my head with some science and even philosophy of that world. THere are charachters who i write about, but I cant claim to have created them, their stories simply play out in my mind., they belong to G-d, i just listen and here.
Everyone who enters my life for longer than a month becomes a part of that world. They are usually themselves, but some play alternate roles in that world, a hero, a sibling, a soldier.
I am there. I have had many names, face, roles. I belong there in part. Often when walking around here, if you look at me and i seem to be staring off, I am there, living, interaction, learning about this world. I have wings at times, a tail, bladebones for fighting if i need them. I don't decide, and what I am changes based on who I am. Who I am is being slowly shaped by G-d.

March 18- If you were going to have 10 kids, 5 girls, 5 boys, what would their names be? (first or full names)

First and middle names are all interchangeable. I want one of each gender to share initials with my parents: NES, and PDS. I would love to have two middle names for some of my children, like a hebrew name. There are a few hebrew names mixed in.
Girls:

1. November Emily (NES)
2. Alyssa Elizabeth
3. Rivkah (Rebecca) Sarah
4. Alecsandra Cristen
5. Jade Safir (Saphire)

Guys:

1. Colt Nathanel
2. Kefa (Peter) Daniel (PDS)
3. Kayne Justice
4. Kyle Ember
5. Mark Ethan

Other names I like: Jason, Justin, Alex, Alisa, Kara, Mara, Yesha'yahu (Isaiah), Raphael, Ruth, Dove, Swann, Kira, Jaycee... 

March 17- Your favorite childhood memory.

I dont really have one. I have a poor memory for specific events, and nothing stands out as a best moment or favorite experience. I wish I did, but I say that I do...

March 16- What is your biggest fear right now?

Making the wrong choice. I want to do something with my life, and I'm worried that taking a wrong step now will doom me to a cubicle farm someday. Not what I want for my life.

Depression

This world has a messed up view of depression. It annoys me to no end when people are constantly being overwhelmed by ever stimuli that comes along! Dramatic much? I can only speak from my own experience here, so let me explain that experience.

I used to be "depressed". By that I meant that I was disgusted by everything around me. I hated that I sinned, but I loved the sin. I asked G-d to change me and get rid of sin, but I didn't want to let go of sin or the things of this world that were holding me down. So deeper I went. I hated myself for being a sinner, and blamed everyone around me. I blamed G-d and refused Him.

There is no way I can explain the tumultuous emotions inside me during my teen years. The simple point is this: I had no reason to be depressed, but i wanted to be. I wanted attention. I would make up lies about how bad things were, or things i had done wrong, because I had to have people get to know me as this downtrodden, broken individual who had endured so much. Any way I could make people think I was messed up. I posted blog post angsty blog post trying to get someone to acknowledge my "depression". Why? Who knows?!

I can postulate theories. Maybe i was trying to get something from them. Maybe i was trying to manipulate them. maybe i was trying to gain an edge over them. I dont know why i acted the way i acted, and said what i said. It was so infantile.

Now that I'm older i look back on this act of mine with a disgusted pity. It was selfishness and pride. I wouldn't have listened, but i wish someone could have made me get over myself. Its a lesson better learned young. G-d is so much greater than all the issues I don't really have, and He is satisfying!!! There is no other way of saying it. 

I wasnt getting people to look at me, so like a baby i blew up every minor issue in my life and cried till I got some kind of attention. The fact is that this is a sign of a pitiful relationship with G-d. Anyone who glorifies himself is taking glory away from G-d; and anyone who glorifies the problems they have is an idiot taking glory from G-d.

People who truly want to glorify G-d will get over their issues no matter how large or, and be humble, both in swelling pride and shrinking pride before Him

March 15- A prank you’ve pulled on someone and a prank someone’s pulled on you.

Ok, here is the story.
Jr high youthgroup winter retreat. I was in a room with my friend and the bus drivers from the church while all of the other guys we didnt click with were in another cabin. We learned that those gues were planning a raid on our room. Stink bombs, hidint clothes, silly string, toilet paper, the whole nine yards.
What those guys didn't know is that we switched rooms with the senior guys for the night, and while their raid was being foiled by the fully awake seniors, we were in their room, turning the tide by stealing sleeping bags, locking doors,, and using up shaving cream cans in very difficult places.
I'm not a big fan of serious pranks, and this is the worst i have ever been involved in, i was not a part of the crowd that was on the giving end as often as the recieveing end.

March 15- A prank you’ve pulled on someone and a prank someone’s pulled on you.

Ok, here is the story.
Jr high youthgroup winter retreat. I was in a room with my friend and the bus drivers from the church while all of the other guys we didnt click with were in another cabin. We learned that those gues were planning a raid on our room. Stink bombs, hidint clothes, silly string, toilet paper, the whole nine yards.
What those guys didn't know is that we switched rooms with the senior guys for the night, and while their raid was being foiled by the fully awake seniors, we were in their room, turning the tide by stealing sleeping bags, locking doors,, and using up shaving cream cans in very difficult places.
I'm not a big fan of serious pranks, and this is the worst i have ever been involved in, i was not a part of the crowd that was on the giving end as often as the recieveing end.

College

I praise and rejoice in אל רוי, and all of His mercy, strength and wisdom; I just passed my final test.

Its been fifteen months since i arrived at Verity. I can't even begin to explain what has happened in my time here. Its utterly amazing to me. I am not the person I began as. There is so much i could say, but I will let the primary thought be all i share for now:
I'm done.

March 13- If you ever ended up in jail, what crime would you have most likely committed?

Pirating. The digital kind.

March 11- You’re locked in a big closet with 3 people, who are they, how did you get locked in the closet, and what are you doing?

We would probably be talking to each other,having a random-ish conversation, lit by flashlights. There would be snacks. Maybe a card game, but i prefer talking. And the reason? simply because we could.
There are several people combinations, depends on what we wanted to do:
Kara, Ali, Mandy; random card and story telling adventure
Josh Ingersol, Cameron Hauser, Jordan Ramsey; bible/theology discussion.
Elisa Bond, Johanna Povich, David Auge; interesting and random mealtime conversation
Kara, Daniel Bingham, David; Deep, personal conversation...
Im sure i could come up with others give time.

March 10- How do you react if the person next to you is crying?

If i know them, then just be there if they need to talk. If i dont, ignore them. Sorry, thats me, im not a mercy.

March 9- How do you feel about yourself?

"My name is Nathan Sisson. I am a person who is broken and sinful and messed up. I have been saved by the Blood of a completely benevolent Creator. I did nothing to deserve this. He saved me so I could shed my broken self and become a new person. This is the person I am designed to be. Becoming that person is the goal i strive for. Recap: My name is Nathan Sisson; I’m not myself yet"

March 7- What was on your last shopping list?

I don't do alot of shopping. Most of the money i spend is on school, and what is not on school is spent online. THat being the case, most shopping lists only have one item at most. In all honestly, the last thing on my list was a replacement for Rebecca (my computer) when I thought she had died. Since then, I havent really bought anything or been shopping for anything. Money is tight. I am a college student after all.

March 5- Write a letter to someone you’ve never met.

Dear Kayne,
I'm not sure if we are friends or enemies. By now you are as much a part of my life as anyone. You have had a greater impact on defining me than I can explain. We are bound together, in a literal, figurative, and fictional sense.
I hope I can find out more about you someday,
Until then,
Your faithful Writer/creator

March 4- Words you live by. Why do you like them?

People suck; they are selfish, impulsive, idiotic, and rather unhelpful. You are one of them. Get over yourself.

As harsh as these words may sound they are sort of a new motto of mine. i always had the first two parts, but I never got the "Get over myself" deal. When I look at people as the same as me in the inside, broken and weak with the same issues, all of my judgements go away. I have to look at them as real people rather than annoyances. It's easier to love them, and yet not ignore their faults at the same time.

March 3- Is the truth always good to hear? Why or why not?

No. It can be, but generally, as sinful creatures, people prefer lies. Truth is real. if people are in pain or in sin, truth is harder to deal with, and lies can be preferred.

March 2- List ten people who you would die for.

This is a backwards question for me. I would die in place of anyone because I am secure in life. That is if i have to choose between myself dying and someone else, specifically an unsaved person. I know where I am going. I cant speak for anyone else. In that case, i don't care about physical death as much as the life of someone else.
This is basically a list of people i care about in some kind of order. I dont know that i can do that. in a room of 100 people i know, if someone held a gun to someone's head, id stand in for any of them without thinking, or i think i would.

March 1- Why are you doing this challenge?

For a challenge, that seems obvious. I want to discipline to do something regularly for a long period of time. Its also a written outlet. I like to write, but I have a hard time making myself do it.
And of course for fun.