Peices

Segment I: The University of Confusion Life has thrown my yet again. I'm Starting to make sense of things.of my mistakes and my past. Starting to make sense of who I am. Starting to make my way back to being a whole person. For the past month I have been grieving the loss of a friendship, and that hasn't been making thing easier. It's been adding to a list of regrets from the past year or more. Over the past two weeks my parents and I have been struggling to register with Patrick Henry Online, meeting with hurtles and problems at almost every step of the way. Classes for PHC online start today. I had planned to Take Logic, US History, Theology, and Geometry. But, with all the problems we had in registering, and my disapointing 1.4 gpa last semester, my parents and I decided to withdraw for PHC. I let myself down again. PHC for me was a dream school, the places i really felt i wanted to be and was supposed to be. It hurt alot when I failed last semester, and since then i havent had the will to go back, so in that way withdrawing is a good thing. Regardless, it does add alot onto the pile of emotional pain I've been feeling recently. "...a college career with a painful failed attempt at a level of excellence he had never in his life achieved. The will, goal and dream to change the world, which until now had been driven by school, faced before him as he faced his status as 'failure'" It's depressing, especially when I read the posted scedules of all of the peopel around me who are coung to school, knowing i wont be with the, I'm Not sure what happens now. Im going to look into applying to Hillsdale for the Spring Semester. Unfortunately Hillsdale has no Distance Learning Option, so if i do decide to go there, it would mean on campus. Im not sure about that. It would mean moving to Hillsdale, which is prefferable to Virginia, i suppose. So A form of a choice is before me. I have the semester off, as its too late to apply anywhere But As for next semsester, i have no clue. Should i go to Hillsdale, provided I'm accepted? Perhaps it woudl help me with my other problem if i were away for a time, but i dont know. I would apreciate comments. Segment II: A Fictional Narative: Black and White Rainbow How could he be so happy? Of course things werent easy in the outside world, but could somehting like this really make him forget all of this pain? Not something. Someone. This wasn't a love story, or at least it shoudlt have been. But this person he was looking at now. She made him happy. This was his sister. The sister he had not known he had until only a short time ago. They had danced together and laughed together and shared everyting since they had fond each other, and this was not a love story. Or at least it shouldnt have been. She was the person behind him who undertsood when he talked while other didnt. The supportive friend. It felt odd to be protected by someone. It had been so long since anyone had protected him. She was even protecting him from himself. The perfect older sister. So happy he didnt notice that she wasn't as strong as he had thought. She needed protecting. But like an idiot he didnt see that. There it was, in the moment when he was most happy, a look of pain etched across her face. He even asked her about it, but didnt think about that which he had asked. She wantd to cry but no tears would come. She was pretecting him, but he was hurting her. This was not a love story, but she cared enough for him to protect him even though it hurt her. It only came to him after it was to late to rectify, when at last he understood what he had done. the pain on her face, now the only thing he could see, would never be replaced with that smiling face again. This was not a love story. He had seen a rainbow, but she was seeing black and white. Segment III I tried to be perfect, It just wasn't worth it, Nothing could ever be so wrong. It’s hard to believe me, It never gets easy, I guess I knew that all along. If you believe it’s in my soul, I’d say all the words that I know, Just to see if it would show, That I'm trying to let you know, That I’m better off on my own.