Depression

This world has a messed up view of depression. It annoys me to no end when people are constantly being overwhelmed by ever stimuli that comes along! Dramatic much? I can only speak from my own experience here, so let me explain that experience.

I used to be "depressed". By that I meant that I was disgusted by everything around me. I hated that I sinned, but I loved the sin. I asked G-d to change me and get rid of sin, but I didn't want to let go of sin or the things of this world that were holding me down. So deeper I went. I hated myself for being a sinner, and blamed everyone around me. I blamed G-d and refused Him.

There is no way I can explain the tumultuous emotions inside me during my teen years. The simple point is this: I had no reason to be depressed, but i wanted to be. I wanted attention. I would make up lies about how bad things were, or things i had done wrong, because I had to have people get to know me as this downtrodden, broken individual who had endured so much. Any way I could make people think I was messed up. I posted blog post angsty blog post trying to get someone to acknowledge my "depression". Why? Who knows?!

I can postulate theories. Maybe i was trying to get something from them. Maybe i was trying to manipulate them. maybe i was trying to gain an edge over them. I dont know why i acted the way i acted, and said what i said. It was so infantile.

Now that I'm older i look back on this act of mine with a disgusted pity. It was selfishness and pride. I wouldn't have listened, but i wish someone could have made me get over myself. Its a lesson better learned young. G-d is so much greater than all the issues I don't really have, and He is satisfying!!! There is no other way of saying it. 

I wasnt getting people to look at me, so like a baby i blew up every minor issue in my life and cried till I got some kind of attention. The fact is that this is a sign of a pitiful relationship with G-d. Anyone who glorifies himself is taking glory away from G-d; and anyone who glorifies the problems they have is an idiot taking glory from G-d.

People who truly want to glorify G-d will get over their issues no matter how large or, and be humble, both in swelling pride and shrinking pride before Him

March 15- A prank you’ve pulled on someone and a prank someone’s pulled on you.

Ok, here is the story.
Jr high youthgroup winter retreat. I was in a room with my friend and the bus drivers from the church while all of the other guys we didnt click with were in another cabin. We learned that those gues were planning a raid on our room. Stink bombs, hidint clothes, silly string, toilet paper, the whole nine yards.
What those guys didn't know is that we switched rooms with the senior guys for the night, and while their raid was being foiled by the fully awake seniors, we were in their room, turning the tide by stealing sleeping bags, locking doors,, and using up shaving cream cans in very difficult places.
I'm not a big fan of serious pranks, and this is the worst i have ever been involved in, i was not a part of the crowd that was on the giving end as often as the recieveing end.

March 15- A prank you’ve pulled on someone and a prank someone’s pulled on you.

Ok, here is the story.
Jr high youthgroup winter retreat. I was in a room with my friend and the bus drivers from the church while all of the other guys we didnt click with were in another cabin. We learned that those gues were planning a raid on our room. Stink bombs, hidint clothes, silly string, toilet paper, the whole nine yards.
What those guys didn't know is that we switched rooms with the senior guys for the night, and while their raid was being foiled by the fully awake seniors, we were in their room, turning the tide by stealing sleeping bags, locking doors,, and using up shaving cream cans in very difficult places.
I'm not a big fan of serious pranks, and this is the worst i have ever been involved in, i was not a part of the crowd that was on the giving end as often as the recieveing end.

College

I praise and rejoice in אל רוי, and all of His mercy, strength and wisdom; I just passed my final test.

Its been fifteen months since i arrived at Verity. I can't even begin to explain what has happened in my time here. Its utterly amazing to me. I am not the person I began as. There is so much i could say, but I will let the primary thought be all i share for now:
I'm done.

March 13- If you ever ended up in jail, what crime would you have most likely committed?

Pirating. The digital kind.

March 11- You’re locked in a big closet with 3 people, who are they, how did you get locked in the closet, and what are you doing?

We would probably be talking to each other,having a random-ish conversation, lit by flashlights. There would be snacks. Maybe a card game, but i prefer talking. And the reason? simply because we could.
There are several people combinations, depends on what we wanted to do:
Kara, Ali, Mandy; random card and story telling adventure
Josh Ingersol, Cameron Hauser, Jordan Ramsey; bible/theology discussion.
Elisa Bond, Johanna Povich, David Auge; interesting and random mealtime conversation
Kara, Daniel Bingham, David; Deep, personal conversation...
Im sure i could come up with others give time.

March 10- How do you react if the person next to you is crying?

If i know them, then just be there if they need to talk. If i dont, ignore them. Sorry, thats me, im not a mercy.