Depression

This world has a messed up view of depression. It annoys me to no end when people are constantly being overwhelmed by ever stimuli that comes along! Dramatic much? I can only speak from my own experience here, so let me explain that experience.

I used to be "depressed". By that I meant that I was disgusted by everything around me. I hated that I sinned, but I loved the sin. I asked G-d to change me and get rid of sin, but I didn't want to let go of sin or the things of this world that were holding me down. So deeper I went. I hated myself for being a sinner, and blamed everyone around me. I blamed G-d and refused Him.

There is no way I can explain the tumultuous emotions inside me during my teen years. The simple point is this: I had no reason to be depressed, but i wanted to be. I wanted attention. I would make up lies about how bad things were, or things i had done wrong, because I had to have people get to know me as this downtrodden, broken individual who had endured so much. Any way I could make people think I was messed up. I posted blog post angsty blog post trying to get someone to acknowledge my "depression". Why? Who knows?!

I can postulate theories. Maybe i was trying to get something from them. Maybe i was trying to manipulate them. maybe i was trying to gain an edge over them. I dont know why i acted the way i acted, and said what i said. It was so infantile.

Now that I'm older i look back on this act of mine with a disgusted pity. It was selfishness and pride. I wouldn't have listened, but i wish someone could have made me get over myself. Its a lesson better learned young. G-d is so much greater than all the issues I don't really have, and He is satisfying!!! There is no other way of saying it. 

I wasnt getting people to look at me, so like a baby i blew up every minor issue in my life and cried till I got some kind of attention. The fact is that this is a sign of a pitiful relationship with G-d. Anyone who glorifies himself is taking glory away from G-d; and anyone who glorifies the problems they have is an idiot taking glory from G-d.

People who truly want to glorify G-d will get over their issues no matter how large or, and be humble, both in swelling pride and shrinking pride before Him