A 21 Year Old's Prayer

G-d,

I'm a bit empty and alone right now. I have found you to the extent I have searched for you. You are faithful to me even in my lack of devotion to you. I will trust in your providence, relying on you to take care of my still fragile heart. 

I have before given such great and glorifying prayers to you, but now am ashamed to see how little honor my ways bring to you. Yet the glory is still yours because you saved the wretch in me. No great treasure did you earn in saving me, but the worst and filthiest of rags. And even knowing the disappointment I'd be, you died for me. 

I do not seek you in your word, nor do I come to you in prayer. It seems to me that my life is in shambles and my heart still broken into many pieces. Oh how poor a son I am. How I wish I could be a son that you could rejoice in. Yet my betrayals stand out all the more.

I want to know you, but my strength to seek you has passed. I wish I could say "Tomorrow will be better," but I know that I will fail another promise if I vow to be better in the morning. I am overcome with my weakness and sorrow. I want to be whole, complete, and I know that only comes from you.

I ask for alot, and you already show mercy to me by sustaining my life, a gift I forfeited long ago in my sin. Yet still I press your grace to ask for yet more. This hole in me is more than I can fill. I do not have the strength to seek you, yet that is the only way to fill my emptiness. My heart yearns to be held again. I miss the company of friends, people who care about me who i could pour myself into. Yet I know that those friends have been a idol to me in the past, a drug.

My Adonai, grant me a fill for this loneliness in my heart. Bring me into the company of people who will point me back to you, while allowing me to rest and belong with them. Fill my heart again.

I pray to find you, so I can be filled with you and thus give you glory. I can think of no better thing.

These words I lift before you, broken, yet trusting in your faithfulness, Oh, G-d, my father.

For you, Great King, are faithful.