God is truly in control. When I start letting my heart and mind out of place, He sends me something to remind me of why I’m here and what I am called to be. I know that He is going to work in me, Since arriving here at Verity, every chapel and scripture reading has show me something more about my what God wants me to be. He will use me and work within me while I am here. I know He is talking to me, I just hope I have the heart to truly listen. I pray that I will come home as the person prepared for His path. I’m not complete yet.
There are things in this life that I want. I want to be successful and secure. I want Gordo to be pleased with me and to feel his fulfillment within me. I want a family. I want specific people in my life.
But I know that in order to follow Him, I have to give up what I think will make me happy, or at least be willing to.
I realize now that I have no right to know truth. I desire to, and I will strive to, but Gods truth does not need me, it is strong enough without my understanding or support. The truth does not need me, I need it. It is my nature to want to understand and plan and know the future for myself. But like Paul said, “Can the pot say to the potter, ‘Why did you make me this way?’” I don’t think that has to be an antagonistic question necessarily, or even a challenge to God’s design; rather for me it is a simple desire to understand why I am made this way and what I am to do.
But as I said before it is not my place to know sometimes. God doesn’t ask me to understand only to obey. “This is how things are, because it is how I say they are; so just do as I've asked of you.”
When I really stop and let go of my need to understand, I see that it is a matter of pride. When face with situations I don’t understand, I have no way of knowing what to do in my power, or how to control the situation. But if I have really let Him rule in my life, why should I need to control?
That’s why it is necessary to let go of what I want on some levels. My desires are based on my own understanding of who I am and what I want with my life, and they drive me to manipulate my life to seek after them. This being said, it makes even some of the smallest desires into an idol; something that distracts from is understanding of me, and relying instead on my own.
“Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will keep your path.”
No comments:
Post a Comment